Idle Thoughts


If we have deoderant and antiperspirant, why don't we have oderant or perspirant? It seems only fair.

If Teflon really works, why can we coat frying pans with it?

Why don't the bad guys ever shoot Superman with a Kryptonite bullet?

That sign ought to read "Drive-by window", oughtn't it? Actually, "Drive-Up-And-Park-While-We-Take-Forever-To-Get-Your-Order-Straight-Window" would be more accurate. Now that I think of it though, a sign that read "Just Come In; It'll Be Easier" would probably be the most useful.

Who says you can't buy love? Hookers are everywhere.

Exactly what does the "Utility" in SUV mean? What about the "Sport" part? Is driving through the mud a sport? When did this happen? I suppose they could've called it an "Off-Road" vehicle, but then again airplanes and boats would fall under that category as well wouldn't they? Damn, I hate it when I think too much.

Someone once told me that he didn't believe in stealing. I told him he was really out of touch with reality. I think police records and my missing lawnmower will bear me out on this.

Conspiracy theorists are a group of people who work overtime to make you believe that somewhere there is a group of people who are working overtime to make you believe something.

I'll bet anything that nobody in Saudi Arabia has ever lost a snowball fight.

It's a little considered fact that turkeys do not celebrate Thanksgiving.

Who pays taxes? Do you pay taxes? I'll bet you don't. Do you sit down and write out a check to the Federal Reserve every week? No. So you don't pay taxes, they take taxes. Isn't that nice?

There ought to be a law that says that under certain circumstances you can beat the hell out of someone with an axe handle.

I think pissing in the fountain on the White House lawn should be considered freedom of expression.

Malnutrition can stunt your growth. After 20 years little Melanie from those United Christian Children's Fund commercials with Sally Struthers hasn't grown an inch. But Sally's really gotten fat, hasn't she? I think Sally is eating all Melanie's food.

An ounce of pretention is worth a pound of manure.

I always knew that boy was good for nothing but I never realized exactly how good he was at it.

99/100ths is still a "Fraction of the price."

Build a man a fire, and he is warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.