Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Let's Have People Season!

Think about all the people you know. Think about how many of them are dicks, jerks, pond-scum and loads that would've been best swallowed. (Pay attention girls) Think about the people you meet every day and how many of them should be canditates for 4th trimester abortions. Sucks, doesn't it?

Fear not! I have found a solution to our society's woes. Let's face it, prison doesn't really get the customers that it needs, and the legal system is far too expensive. We're currently overpopulating the planet beyond what our resources can maintain and this just leads to more and more jerks for you to deal with in the future.

So what do we do?

Simple. Let's learn a lesson from your friendly fish and wildlife commision and have a one-day season on people. Your limit is a single individual. It can be anyone you want in the world, and it doesn't matter how long you've known them. It works like this.

Two months before season opens you apply for a tag. You must be at least 18 years of age and have to have sucessfully completed a hunter's safety course. About a week before the season opens, your "people tag" arrives in the mail with specific rules changes and regulations on firearms and ammunituion that you'll need to know about. Finally, at 6AM on the day of the season, you're free to kill anyone you want over the age of 18. As long as you have them tagged by the time the Sheriff arrives, (On the big toe. It saves time for the coroner, who's bound to be busy on this day.), and can present the tagged body to the official, you get off scot free.

I know this sounds horrible, but think about the possibilities: Funeral homes would LOVE this shit. They'd make a killing! (Yeah, it was a pun, fuck off), annoying bastards would be removed from society forever, the firearms manufacturers and makers of bulletproof vests would all benefit from an economic boost, the population problem would begin to diminish, and just THINK about how much more polite and considerate everyone would be during the rest of the year!

Now of course you're going to have poachers. You know the kind I mean. The jerks that want to go over the limit and don't want to play by the rules. Since they would doubtless be exactly the kind of cocks that would wind up getting tagged themselves, the sheriff (aka game warden for the day) just shoots these people on the spot. It's foolproof.

I think this plan is a rock-solid winner and could do nothing but good. And while we're at it, maybe if you got your application in early enough you could get a bonus "kid-tag", kind of like doe tags. Wouldn't have to worry about those little fuckers popping off to you anymore would you? I'm betting that they'd stay out of your yard, too. Charlton Heston and the NRA are gonna love this shit, I tell ya'.

To tell the truth, I believe that it's human nature to want to kill that which annoys, and people are among the most annoying things on the face of the earth, so let's get to shootin'!

Call Congress! Let's get some legislation here!

Who's with me!?!

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