You Should Watch My Language


Let's talk about language. I don't mean whether or not foreigners who come here should learn English or whether the word "a" or "an" should be used with particular vowels or consonants. I mean real language. The language that you and I both use every day. Someone recently said to me that the kind of language I use on this site is offensive. In fact, one particular reader became sufficiently offended by -paragraph two- of my previous post that they quit reading and left. Paragraph two! Holy hell!!

To this I have two things to say in response.

First and most importantly: Fuck you.
and
Second: What mental condition do you suffer from that caused you to be so offended by those particular syllables being joined together in that particular order?

George Carlin once said that there were no bad words. There may be bad thoughts, bad feelings and bad ideas, but words are completely neutral. I happen to agree.

I want to state here, once and for all, that I am bored with, tired of, and pissed at people telling me that they don't like the language I use on this site and in real life. I tend to be descriptive and passionate in my daily speech and writing, and the odd "fuck" or "goddammit" will occasionally wind up nestled in there with the rest of the kinder, gentler fare. If you can't deal with the fact that I let fly with an explitive every now and then, or that I don't have some weird religious hang-up over certain four-lettered Anglo-Saxon monosyllables, then surf your little ass off to Candyland and don't come back. I'm just a guy publishing my views and opinions, not the priest at your local Parish who's fucking an Altar Boy.

What really gets to me is that nobody can really give you a good reason why certain words are unacceptable to use. The closest I have ever gotten was to have someone just say that they take offense to them and that they don't like to hear them. I don't consider this to be support of a particular assertion so much as weak self-justification of a particular bout of whining for special treatment. Whenever someone says to you that they just don't like certain words used around them, what they're actually saying to you is that they are -demanding- that you accept their terms and personal modifications to your constitutional right to freedom of speech. They are literally being dictators of their own little banana republics, possibly even wearing the same, and conscripting you into their servitude for so long as they are within earshot. Well guess fucking what Mr. Manuel Noreiga Jr.? This is MY dictatorship, not yours. If you find something offensive on this page or don't like the words coming out of my mouth, GO AWAY.

But since whining seems to be the order of the day, what if I, from this point forward, decided to take offense to personal pronouns? Incredibly self-important things aren't they? What if the pronoun "I" was declared by me to be the most offensive word in the English language and I insisted that it not be used in my presence on the grounds that it was self-indulgent and arrogant?

Everybody would think that I was a total fucking wack-job, that's what. Especially since it's -exactly the same thing-. Look up the origin and villivication of the word "nigger" over time to see what I'm talking about if you don't believe me. Because I know that you're all too lazy to actually check it out on your own, I've done the work for you. Click here. (Opens in a new window.)

And in case you're all pissy that I used the word "nigger" above, start liking it. QUOTE: "According to lexicographers, the ultimate origin of the word "nigger" is in the Latin niger meaning black." SOURCE. (Opens in a new window.)

The phrase is even highlighted for you so you can't miss it.

(UPDATE - 11/02/05: Google apparently took offense to my previous cache search and link for the same. I'm guessing because it contained the word nigger. The new hyperlink should work without their nanny-bots fucking with it. Fighting the world! Yay!)

It just means "black", folks, and that's all it has ever meant. But since you moral crusaders, who happen to be superior on some absolute scale, have a pathological need to dramatize petty nothings and villify a word and anyone who uses it, it's suddenly derogatory? Because you said so?!?

You're a piece of shit.

By whose authority are you given the right to condemn the speech of another? Constitutionally you don't have a leg to stand on, and for all you holy-rollers out there reading this, the King James Bible makes no provisions either; you're just being a selfish dick... again. The act of imposing your standards on someone else, especially over the manner in which they are allowed to express themselves through speech, is a crime against humanity of the highest order, (I am NOT saying that you should be allowed to mutilate your own body or cause physical or financial harm to someone else. Stop trying to put words in my mouth.), and it hearkens back to the times when women weren't allowed to read and it was acceptible to own another human being.

If you happen to be one of those precious people who think that it's perfectly acceptable for a black person to call someone a nigger, but if anyone else does it they're some skinhead, white-supremacist, then I hope you get hit by a fucking bus. You're too stupid to live. Ditto for the words "Cunt", "Fuck", "Piss" and any other random ordering of syllables that gets your panties in a bunch.

I have always maintained that anyone who finds certain words offensive, (not actions folks, words), is in serious need of professional help. It's not like you hear something and it causes you to develop AIDS or cancer of the asshole. It's a fucking WORD. I figure that it's a neurosis of some kind brought about by a good, wholesome Christian upbringing in the deep south, where it's still acceptable in "polite society" to call someone a nigger, but not say "fuck".

Concerning 'polite society': I think you're all a bunch of self-fallating, upper-middle-class business criminal failures and Ivy League dropouts with severe personality defects where cash is concerned. You feel the need to prove to your phony friends, to the world and to yourselves that you are somehow superior to the great unwashed masses out there and so choose to make taboo a handful of the most non-threatening words imaginable to separate yourselves from the rest of society. It's a real thrill for you and your friends from the country club to go to the local titty ba.... oops! I mean "Gentlemen's Club" and buy a "couch-dance" from what amounts to a legal hooker, just as long as your wives who are fucking the mailman and the paperboy when you're gone don't find out. Ever wonder why your kids don't look like you, Geoffery Vanderpool III? I'm sure your fellow classmen at the Community College you flunked out of could give you a categorical answer. Polite Society indeed.

It would sure be nice if everyone would lose this thin skin they have over a few choice words in the language. But heaven forbid that people actually start to think for themselves. What would Wal-Mart and McDonald's do? Ditto for Dockers, Sketchers, FUBU, Prada and those assholes over at Ambercrombie and Fitch? We'd have an economic crisis on our hands that would make the recent spikes in oil prices look like the political dick-waving that it was.

For shit's sake I wish people would just let Darwin do his stuff.