Sunday, February 26, 2006

Son of: Thoughts

Women don't go through menopause. That's a completely rediculous notion. The prefix pause indicates a temporary cessation of a given condition that will resume at some time in the future. Think about it, have you ever known of a woman that had her reproductive cycle cease only to recommence on her 70th birthday? Me either. They ought to call this condition menostop. Although the idea of a pregnant 70 year old is both amusing and disgusting to me all at the same time.

I don't think we should call them "Undertakers". They're "Under-putters". Undertaking sounds suspiciously like grave-robbing to me.

If you say that you "understand" something, it's supposed to imply that you comprehend what is being said or going on, but I think this is backwards. Think about it. If you break the word down, what do you get? That's right, the words "Under" and "Stand". The whole thing comes out meaning "One who stands under" or "Stand Beneath". So what people are really telling you is that the subject in question is over their head... which I suppose makes the phrase a truism after all.

Definition time!

Crime wave: A form of greeting employed by the mafia.

Heat wave: Related to Crime Wave, but generally used by animals.

Pop-Corn: A kind of vegetable only your dad gets to eat.

Civic Duty: Work your car has to do.

Staple Diet: Common among wackos trying to get into Guinness' Book of World Records

Asphalt: Your butt crack.

Babysitter: The teenager that gets paid to eat all your food while you're away.

Poppycock: The opposite of a Mommycunt.

Poppy Seed: Usually found inside Mommycunt and in the mouths of babysitters.

Why is it called the menstrual cycle when only women get it?

It seems to me that people in this country spend an inordinate amount of time stuffing puppies and kittens into all manner of odd objects and taking pictures of them.

When we say someone is deceased, we're supposed to imply that they've died, right? It doesn't sound right to me. It's a double negative. The person didn't de-cease, they ceased. What Jesus and Lazarus did was decease. First they ceased, then they de-ceased. By the way, Lazarus is widely assumed to have re-ceased at some future point.

More on the de - re prefix silliness in this language. Saying that someone regurgitated something sounds like they've eaten vomit, doesn't it? We regurgitate food, but we don't ungurgitate food. In fact, we don't gurgitate it in the first place. It seems to me that the word "regurgitate" indicates that a person gurgitated the food, ungurgitated the food, and then finally regurgitated said food. I guess whoever came up with that word was really hungry, ill, or both.

There are three categories of people who work with needle and thread; Women are seamstresses, Men are tailors, and gay men are Fashion Designers.

Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub... they drowned.

What is "Eggs Benedict"? Blessed eggs? Who goes 'round blessing things that fell out of a chicken's asshole? Honestly!

If your belly hurts while your pregnant, I'll bet it's because you didn't properly stretch before fucking.

Did you ever notice that we don't have a cuntroach?

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Blogger Erin said...

Menostop. That's funny as hell. You have a delightfully witty way of expressing yourself. But you're still as disturbed as I remember.
Love ya!

5:10 PM  
Anonymous Troy from TODC said...

cuntroach... depending on the roach they could stink or could taste pretty damn good!

6:53 PM  
Anonymous Jeremy said...

How do you think of this stuff? Now I understand deceased a little bit better. That's great.

8:04 AM  

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