Don't Listen To Me


Pay me no attention, for I can only get you in trouble. My advice is without merit and my opinions are wrong. Only a fool, lame of mind, would ever give my ramblings any credit.

I think illegal immigration is a problem, although no one else does. If the current legislation granting amnesty to illegal immigrants passes, we'll no longer be a nation under the law, but rather a nation under mob rule. But as I've said, I don't know what I'm talking about. Pay me no heed.

I believe children should be taken off these medicinal cocktails and be disciplined instead, because controlling the population through drugs is a dystopian ideal straight out of books such as "1984", "Fahrenheit 451", "Brave New World", and "We". But since everyone tells me that I'm wrong, I guess they must be right. Clearly something is wrong with me. Why would I want to be an Alpha anyway?

I say we're getting fucked by the oil industry when they report the largest profit of all time for a single fiscal year, (and the 4th largest ever for last quarter), and coincidentally raise gasoline prices to the highest they've ever been. This is to say nothing of giving a multi-million dollar retirement package to one of their CEO's. But I'm just an ignorant rube from a small town with no college education, and am not privy to the council of the mighty. What would I know about such matters?

I submit to you that television programming is a waste of money, when all that's on is crap like soap operas, American Idol and Lost. Educational programming is a relic from a bygone era, and I mourn it's passing. Yet what would you expect from someone so backward and ignorant; someone so blatantly lacking in sophistication? People like me need educational programming. I'm sure it's obvious that I am plainly envious of all those who do have cable programming in their homes, and that I simply can't afford it. So much like the fox in Aesop's fable, I am merely rationalizing my failure to achieve a desired result. Sour grapes indeed.

I want to share with you that I suffer from crippling apathy. I do not healthily chase after nor keep up with the lives of celebrities. I have no idea who Britney Spears is married to, or how many kids she has. I can't tell you who the latest teen idol is, what the lyrics are to any Eminem song, or the first names of the judges on American Idol. I know more about my neighbors than I do about fictional characters and superstars that I'll never meet. Michael Jackson doesn't interest me in the slightest. I am obviously mentally ill.

I am forced to hang my head in shame when I say that I am a straight, white male. I just don't know what's wrong with me. I am not sexually aroused by the sight of naked men, and I am not in touch with my feelings. I've never kissed a boy or even held his hand. I do not have a queer eye. As you can see, I am clearly emotionally unstable and very, very repressed. Is incoherent babble from a guy like me what you want poisoning your mind?

Further, I am hideously overweight at 270 pounds. My skeleton is not visible through my tightly stretched skin, and I attempt to keep any food I've eaten down until I've digested it. I have the gall to wake up of a morning and not feel like I have the flu because I've killed myself with exercise at the gym the day before and I'm starving myself by only taking in 1500 calories a day. Obviously I am a bad role model.

Worst of all, I am an omnivore. I shamelessly consume red meat, tubers, soda, processed foods and white bread along with the occasional green things. I'm not on a trendy diet such as The Mediterranean Diet, The South Beach Diet, Atkins, or Weight Watchers. I am in need of help. Emulating my lifestyle will surely clog your arteries and kill you.

I am clearly a backwards, narrow-minded creature who never really had a chance in life. Don't listen to what I have to say. Pay me no attention, for I can only get you in trouble. My advice is without merit and my opinions are wrong. Only a fool, lame of mind, would ever give my ramblings any credit.