Monday, July 31, 2006

You're Not African-American Already!

Racism: (n) rA·sĭz·um
a. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.

b. Discrimination or prejudice based on race.

Prejudice: (n) prĕj·U·dĭs
a. An adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts.

b. A preconceived preference or idea.


Dear reader, answer me this one question, if you would: What nationality do you consider yourself to be? Chances are that if you're reading this, you were born within the borders of the United States. If you are from one of the other 192 sovereign nations however, then what I say here won't make a whole lot of sense. Although it will at least serve the purpose of shining the pure and blinding light of reason upon the fragile, crumbling edifice that racist, politically correct ass-goblins in this country so laughably call a "point". According to my sources, if the doctor yanked you out of somebody's crotch here within the confines of the United States, or one of it's territories abroad such as a military base or an Embassy, this makes you an American, not an African-American.

I am sad to report that the melting pot is no more in this once great, fading republic. The order of the day is no longer asking what you can do for your country, but rather how your country can compensate you because of something that happened to your great-great grandparents before you were even thought of. Never mind that you've not been personally inconvenienced in any way, and that any of these wrongs you cite weren't done to you. Divide and conquer; that's the new America; made of bottled water, cellular telephones, and sneakers with lights in them.

I have absolutely had it with this "African-American" feces slathered all over everything you read these days when talking about black people. It's mind numbing. This country is already swamped with room-temperature IQ's, and this politically correct bullshit has absolutely got to go before it manages to do any further damage. It's a crying shame that phrases can't be placed in front of a firing squad.

Now that I think of it, it's a crying shame that people who use some of these phrases can't be placed in front of a firing squad.

I'm picking on the term "African-American" because it's completely nonsensical tokenism. Think about it, we only apply this terminology to those we consider to be of African descent; we never give this hyphenated citizenship to people from any other continent. We don't have Asian-Americans, European-Americans, or Antarctican-Americans running around loose, do we? No. Do you know why? Because these useless labels, all of them, sound abso-fucking-lutely stupid.

This is because Africa is not a country in the first place, it's a continent that is in turn filled with countries. Get that through your misshapen little head, would you? Japanese-American I can understand. Those people who claim this kind of dual-citizenship actually head back to the land of the rising sun every once in a while to visit family. Those politically inept ghetto rats who might call themselves African-American have never been to a single country on that particular continent, and if they went, I'd wager that most of them would be dead in about half a day. It's a useless label designed to spread dissent by manufacturing barriers between people who ought to be getting along as countrymen. Other nations don't have this horseshit because their citizens won't tolerate it. If you were to refer to a person from Norway as a "European", he'd probably let you get away with it about once. Then he'd begin politely reminding you that he was, in fact, Norwegian. If you persisted, he'd likely drop all pretense of actually liking you and call you a 'Rjeindeer Fjucking Rjedneck".

But here's the really funny thing. Black people aren't the ones calling themselves "African-Americans" to begin with. Did you know that? They just don't, and that's anywhere in the world. Only hypersensitive Caucasian Americans use this mindless PC phrase; never black folks. Not even the U.S. Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, and she's as political, and as black, as you're ever going to get. Black people in the United States simply call themselves black, and they understand that they are Americans first and foremost, with a magnificent winter tan.

I'd like somebody to tell me what's so wrong with the word "Black" in the first god damned place. Is it offensive? To whom? I've never met anyone that it personally bothered, and as far as I know, Crayola still includes a black crayon in every single box, suitable for ages three and up. According to the guilty white liberals, the apparent upper limit for this suitability is age six.

As of this writing, Crayola had no plans to phase out the politically incorrect "black" crayon and replace it with "African-American" hue. (I called their public relations lady, Stacy Gabriel, to check. Swear to God.) Also, the four major commercial printer manufacturers Hewlett-Packard, Lexmark, Canon, and Epson did not indicate that they were moving to "African-American" ink cartridges on their websites, either. In fact, everything I've researched indicates that there is no shame connected to the word "black" whatsoever.

However the term African-American offends me greatly. If you're African-American, then why don't you go live there in that *ahem* other country, Africa, for a while? You know, to visit relatives and friends and stuff. What's that? You don't have any friends or relatives in Africa? Are you sure?

Believe me when I tell you that your phenotype doesn't matter. You liberal assholes say that these economically and socially disadvantaged "African-Americans" require special programs to ensure equality. That's fine I guess, but don't tell me that you actually believe this bullshit, do you? If what you're telling me is right, if these people had equality, we wouldn't need these balancing programs anymore? Is that right? Okay. Boom. They're equal. It happened with the end of segregation with the Voting Rights Act of 1965, signed into law on August 6th, by President Lyndon B. Johnson. It's last amendment was adopted in 1982, which went into effect in 1985. They have the same right to vote, the same right to free speech, the same constitutional protections as every other human being in the United States, and have for the last twenty years... Why do you need the programs?

I'll fucking jolly well tell you why they need the programs. Because there's money to be made in prolonging this 'problem'. As long as black people as a whole can be convinced that they need special help to get anywhere in life by organizations such as the NAACP, the UNCF, and other conglomerations of ten-digit bank accounts and single-digit I.Q.'s, there's a reason for funding. If the problems were to go away, there wouldn't be any more money for the upper crust to live lavishly on while they played Mother Theresa in a three piece silk suit on Capitol Hill, and they'd have to make a new institution of discontent from scratch. That's too much like work, so they don't do it.

Here's a fun thought: What if I decided to become a citizen of Egypt, eh? That would make me an African-American, wouldn't it? I think it'd be great, because then I could make all you bleeding heart, guilt ridden, PC assholes take a shit in your hat.

Oh! Didja' see that! There goes your logic running off and looking for a place to fucking hide, doesn't it? Gee, it's so small and malnourished... I can't be African-American because I'm not black, you say? "HEY ALAN, ONLY BLACK PPL CNA B AFRICAN-AMERICIN! LOL!!!1Z", you prattle. Well what about my friend Selena from South Africa? She's clearly Caucasian, (and whiter than I am), but she's technically African-American because she immigrated to this country a few years ago and became a naturalized citizen, holds dual-citizenship, and runs a rather successful business. And then there's my buddy Abu who's here from Côte D'Ivoire in West Africa. He's six-foot-twelve, almost as dark as a tire, and his native language, Xhosa, has clicks in it. And believe me, if you call him an African-American, he'll be quick to point out that he's from Côte D'Ivoire, and is just here to study. He doesn't consider himself an African of any stripe any more than you racist, prejudiced pieces of shit refer to yourselves as European.

Oh my god, did I call you racist? You're fuckin'-A right I did. And don't forget the prejudiced part either you pointy-headed bastards. Any time you professional apologists see a black person, you automatically label them "African-American". And as you see from the opening definition of prejudice and racism, you're not only wrong, but you're bone-stupid, too.

But enough rambling about the problem, (i.e. YOU). Let's get to the solution! There are just two things you precious people need to do to make all this start resembling rational thought:

1: Shut the fuck up

That's the hard part. Just keep your teeth together for a while. Have you shut the fuck up yet? I know it's hard, but we'll work with you. New things are always difficult.

Are you quiet yet? Has your head stopped making noise? It has? Good for you! You get a gold star!

(Now people can finally get a god damned word in edgeways, you selfish prick.)

2: Wait

Now that you've shut the fuck up, you'll notice that your head is starting to fill with ideas. It's kinda scary isn't it? Don't worry. This is normal. It's called "thinking". You'll realize that all this stuff is getting us nowhere fast, and that if the current 'solutions' to these artificial problems really worked, they'd have done so thirty years ago. There is no problem. There is only the manufacturing of legions of malcontents by governmental and social institutions, under the guise of assistance, with a problem that wouldn't exist without the meddling of said institutions in the first fucking place.

I'd like to leave you with a couple of thoughts. I don't have to exaggerate to tell you that the phrase "African-American" is offensive to me because it is an insulting, exclusionary term. It separates black people from the rest of the country and it marks them linguistically and subconsciously as something different. Something foreign. Something alien.

All in all a thing that is not "us".

The other thing I wanted to mention was that, apparently, I am not allowed to take offense to this delineating label. I was recently told, flatly and bluntly by a white woman, that since I was white and that I was the only one who took offense to this term, obviously I was the one who had the problem. So in other words, things that offend me are of no consequence. Because I'm white. I'm not allowed to be offended you see; I'm the one who's supposed to feel guilty about giving offense to others.

Sorry Ethel. I'm not buying that bullshit, even if it is on sale. I think the ghosts of Rosa Parks and Charles Darwin will back me up on this: 295 million people really can be wrong.

You mark my words: in about twenty years, black people are going to be as bent out of shape about being called "African American" as they are over any other racial slur. You fucking watch. It's sad and it's true; the term "African American" is nothing more than the latest PC liberal way to say "nigger". We're all Americans god damn it.

About the test you took...

How many did you get right? Did you guess that all five were African-American? WRONG!
Did you think you were clever and notice that #3 had two people in it, so you guessed six? Well you're WRONG AGAIN!

As you can see, none of these people are American, much less from Africa. Wow. I don't think your little mind is ever going to recover.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...


8:16 AM  
Blogger Alan said...

Gay. I'm assuming that was a statement rather than a question since it didn't come with a question mark, (or any other punctuation or capitalization whatsoever). Well anonymous, that's okay with me. You can be gay if you want. I won't judge you. Thanks for coming out here on Plainly Ranting and telling the world that Anonymous is gay. Now if we only knew your name I could get in touch with Outweek Magazine and go national with your inspiring story. As it is that's not possible since you're too much of a chicken-shit to do more than fire half-assed insults from behind a wall of anonymity.

Here at Plainly Ranting I say what I want without fear of reprisal. I even have pictures of myself posted in various articles, and damn the consequences. This is beyond weak, it's childish. And I respect that. But next time, at least have the decency to put a name with your junior high level blurb. Just hit the "Other" bubble and you can tell the world who you are when you post.



5:47 PM  

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