Good Ol' Wal-Mart


Gatorade, Suzy-Q's, Vaccum cleaners, Rubber shoes,
Pez dispensers, Floss for dentures, Books of Kids Next Door Adventures,
Everything you need right here at Wal-Mart.


Computer games, Pretty rocks, Bouncing balls and Argyle socks,
Ugly faces, Kids with braces, Tennis shoes with Neon Laces,
Things to make your life complete at Wal-Mart.


Makeup Kits and T.V. Shows, Oven mits and Panty Hose,
Table saws and C cup bras to minimize your Body's Flaws,
We promise not to snicker here at Wal-Mart.


Pots and pans for kitchen toil, Windshield wipers, Motor oil,
All-day roasters, Silly posters, Fourteen slice Electric Toasters,
You know you couldn't live without a Wal-Mart.

Spark Plugs, Tires, Axle Grease, Stereos and Anti-freeze,
Crafts and hobbies, Doggie toys, Novelties for Making Noise,
What more could you ever ask from Wal-Mart?

Get-Well cards with angels kissing, Fading trends that you've been missing,
Safety rails and Clearance sales and Layaway and Garbage Pails,
Falling prices everywhere at Wal-Mart.

Candy bars and Tabloid Papers glorifying Baby rapers,
Soap and Rope and Orange Scope, A Punching Puppet of the Pope,
We're always proud to sell those here at Wal-Mart.

Brushes, Combs, and Fruit Shampoo, Talcum powder, Diapers too,
Neon Lights and Rainbow Brites and Medicine for Pit-Bull bites,
Don't you know we love you here at Wal-Mart?

A Grocery Store, A Garden Center, Walk-in Bank and Rug Doc Renter,
Robot Mics and Ten-speed bikes and Crappy rides for little tykes,
We treat you just like family at Wal-Mart.

Third world imports, Second-runs, Toy first aid kits, Real life guns,
Skilled employees, Friendly staff, Oh come on man don't make me laugh!
Don't mistake this for a classy joint, it's Wal-Mart.

©2006 Alan Wortman