The Convenience Of Truth



There's a crappy pseudo-scientific documentary about climate change floating around called "An Inconvenient Truth". Maybe you've seen it or at the very least you've heard about it. Former Vice President Al Gore spent a lot of time and money making this traveling slideshow (side show?), about the dangers of CO2 and it's effect upon the environment. It's even possible that he believes what he's saying, and that's rather frightening.

As I write this, I've just finished seeing this bell-rattling, chicken little-esque docu-drama and sob story, and I'm not impressed. And I'm unimpressed for several reasons.

First, Gore underestimates the intelligence of his audience and plays more on fear and emotion than common sense and reason. Nobody cares about how his son got hit by a car when he was a small tyke when the focus of the lecture was supposed to be on climate. Nobody cares about how his friend died of lung cancer because she smoked when we're supposed to be paying attention to the "science" he's supposedly presenting. Gore needs to at least stay on topic if he's not going to come up with good data. Pleas for sympathy and emotionalism aren't substitutes for logic and critical thinking. Just the opposite in fact. And let's not forget the three segments in which he whines like a little girl about not being elected president.

Now I'm not heartless. It's a crying shame that his boy was ran over by a car, and I wouldn't wish that on anybody. At least he survived and is healthy now. It's an even bigger shame that his friend died of lung cancer, and for what it's worth Plainly Ranting sends its sympathies. But that's not the fucking point! ...and I didn't vote for him.

Here's Gore's presentation in a nutshell:

1. CO2 is the greenhouse gas responsible for the increased temperatures in the lower atmosphere.



2. We are responsible for the CO2.



3. As CO2 levels rise, the temperatures will immediately follow and the icecaps will melt.



4. When the icecaps melt, the sea levels will rise by at least 20 feet.



5. When the sea levels rise, our coastline will flood and millions of people will be displaced.




6. And it's all your fault.

*sigh* Where to begin? How about we kick things off with the fact that CO2 is a trace atmospheric gas? Is that a good place to start? According to NASA, the Earth's atmosphere is made up of about 78% Nitrogen, around 21% Oxygen, 0.93% Argon, and finally in last place is CO2, carbon dioxide, at 0.04%. That's four one-hundredths of one percent. What's more, CO2 isn't a particularly good "greenhouse gas" in the first place.

Now on to the next item: Gore says we are responsible for the CO2 levels in the atmosphere. Is that true? Well, not exactly. We do contribute to the total carbon dioxide emissions released into the atmosphere, yes. But then again so does everything else on the entire planet. In fact, our contribution to atmospheric CO2 levels are in the single digit percentages when compared to volcanism, decomposing vegetation, and the granddaddy of them all, the oceans.

You may ask what is the major "greenhouse gas" if not CO2? Okay, you asked for it. I just hope you're sitting down.

It's water vapor.

That's right. Water vapor in the atmosphere is the major thing that traps heat from the sun, not CO2. Should we concentrate on banning water because it's an evil greenhouse gas? Damn the evil Dihydrogen Monoxide!

Okay, let's get serious. What percentage of the "greenhouse effect" is caused by humans? By the numbers, it's about 0.28% if water vapor is taken into account and about 5.53%, if it isn't. This is so crucial to the debate over global warming that it's inclusion or omission makes the difference between describing either a significant human contribution to the greenhouse effect, or a negligible one. Water vapor is responsible for about 95% of the "greenhouse effect, with CO2 owning up to just over 3.5%. Gore, naturally, decided to omit this little item. The U.S. Department of Energy actually conceded that it might be a "little misleading" to leave water vapor out of these calculations, but nonetheless defended the practice by stating that it is "customary" to do so.

In English, if you cherry pick the data, (as Gore and the D.O.E. are wont to do), humanity is killing itself and ruining the environment. If you include all the factors, (which the U.S. Department of Energy customarily didn't see fit to do), global warming due to greenhouse gas emissions is an embarrassingly gooey crock of fragrant bullshit. Gore's just there to stir it occasionally lest it form a crust and deprive us all of its delightful emanations.

So what about item 3 : "As CO2 levels rise, the temperatures will immediately follow and the icecaps will melt."?

Do we really need to do this one? Okay. For Science.

The above statement suggests that there is a direct link between CO2 and atmospheric temperatures. In fact, Gore says as much in his little crap-umentary. He also says that the link between them is "complicated". What he doesn't say is that the link is backwards. Atmospheric CO2 doesn't drive temperature, temperature drives atmospheric CO2 concentration!

What? How's that again? That's not what I was told!

That's because you've been listening to the media again. Shame on you.

The link that Gore alluded to, (and wisely didn't follow up on in an attempt to keep from shooting himself in the foot), is that there is an 800 year lag between the temperature going up or down and a corresponding rise or fall in CO2 concentration. But why?

Oceans again. Remember when I said that the oceans were the granddaddy of all carbon dioxide emitters? I was serious. The warmer the oceans, the more CO2 they surrender to the atmosphere. The colder the oceans, the more CO2 they sequester. The fact is that the oceans are huge. They're so huge in fact that it takes hundreds of years for them to cool off or warm up. Thus the enormous time lag.

So what about the icecaps? They're cyclic. They grow and contract every year. That's just the way it works. Permafrost melts, too. Want proof? There's green shit frozen inside it. Plants. Frozen. In the permafrost. There are nutrients in the soil for things to grow. Again, dead plants. It couldn't have been frozen since the beginning of time or the dead plants wouldn't be down there. And animals! Frozen steppe bison! Wooly mammoths! These things didn't live underground you know.

The icecaps are glaciers. They advance and retreat. Right now they're in a period of retreat and it's not the end of the world. They'll surge back.

As for the rise in ocean levels? Well, I guess a lot of people will have to move. Oh! That's right! I forgot... All this is based on anthropogenic (man-made) CO2 levels being responsible for the increase in global temperatures. It's not.

The other two points take care of themselves.

Gore says several times during "An Inconvenient Truth" that "This is a political issue..." when referring to one of the points he's pulled out of his ass. This is understandable. The man is a politician, and he's out politicking with this thing. I wouldn't be surprised to see him make another run on the White House in 2008. Those phrases alone are enough to make the whole enterprise suspect, but consider these others.

• On Scientific Consensus:
  
  "Isn't there a disagreement among scientists as to whether the problem [of global warming] is real or not? Actually, not really..."
  
  Dear Mister Gore,
  I'm a scientist and I'd just like to say fuck you. I vehemently disagree with you because you have cherry picked your data, and then proceeded to interpret it however the hell you want.
  
  Have a nice day,
  Alan



• Lake Chad:
  
  This lake is shown to dry up in time lapse photography over a course of three decades. But wait... didn't it start drying up in the 60's when we were being told that we were headed toward another ice age because global temperatures were falling?



• Ice in General:
  
  Gore claims to understand the physics of ice and glacial surges when no physicist claims to do so.



• Theory vs. Fact:
  
  Gore further claims that dissenting scientists, (read: the ones that don't agree with his evangelism), are using the word "theory" to mean "guess", and that there was some "internal memo" between them to rewrite global warming as a "...theory rather than fact".



• Everybody Knows Doctors Prefer Marlboros:
  
  Attempts to link global warming skeptics with 1950's Camel tobacco company ads promoting smoking as a perfectly safe and healthful activity. The Gore family grew and raised tobacco when former Vice President Gore was a little boy around this period. But he's learned his lesson now. Promise. My ass...



• Our Reports Are Better Than Yours:
  
  Gore cites 928 peer reviewed articles concerning climate change in the previous ten years, claims that a consensus was reached that humans were the cause of global warming. If you listen closely he says that they "took a big sample of ten percent" of these, and that out of that sample, none disagreed. That's 93 articles that said we were the cause. He wants you to believe that all 928 articles agreed with his cause. However, this is NOT what he says.



• What's Good For The Goose...:
  
  "It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."
  
  -- Upton Sinclair
  
  Gore used this quote that could just as easily apply to him and his constituents. If man wasn't responsible for global warming, then people like him wouldn't have a job. So instead of listening to the conflicting data, it's easier to make alarmist claims.



• Debate? Oh Hell No!
  
  Since Al Gore was offered the opportunity (in person) by JunkScience writer Steven Milloy to set up a public debate on the underlying science of global climate change, 1 year, 2 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days have elapsed. He has yet to take the man up on his offer.

I think we're done here.


For further investigation:
Last week, the UK's Channel 4 premiered a 75 minute film entitled "The Great Global Warming Swindle" located below. Double click on the movie to play. (Runtime 01:15:58)



What do you want to bet that this asshole runs for office in 2008?